April 2009

Journal Entry, April 2009: Anyway, today went to jobcentre to sign on. One girl (Angie) processed my claim, going through the details from my phone interview and correcting errors.
Then she handed me over to Gail who processed me yet further and took details of what I do to look for work. I spotted a vacancy on their listing for a ‘Team Leader’ and rang the agency (Proactive) who decided to forward my details to Revolymer and Bitrez.

Then I got back here and rang Lyndsey Maloney, they want me to attend a preliminary interview tomorrow at Interfloor. Her e-mail said ‘Please bring with you photo ID, ideas of your aspirations, and details of current and past job applications.’ Wot, I thought, all 350 pages of rejection letters?
I sent her an Excel Spreadsheet which ran to about 160 entries including speculative and agency applications.

Went to Central Library to look for jobs in the trade journal Chemistry in Britain. Futile really. But I did find an article about some artist called Aoife van Linden Tol, who creates pictures by detonating tiny bombs over sheets of copper or paper. Not unlike Senor Dali firing his ink-filled snail shells (from an antique blunderbuss) at litho printing plates.
And in the journal ‘Science’ they mention how the EPSRC now has a policy of ignoring any papers submitted by ‘repeatedly unsuccessful applicants’. What, like me, you mean?

Not Being Wordsworth

We live in a country where
Farmers pollute their land with a
Mixture of Nitrates
And Phosphates and Rebates galore

Harvesting the fictitious crops
To satisfy the quota yield
Imposed by departmental bureaucrats
Who never walked across a muddy field. 

Local police recently arrested a dozen men (Pakistani students) in a hastily-arranged series of anti-terror raids. Apparently they had been plotting to blow up the Arndale Centre, the Birdcage, and the Trafford Centre. So yesterday I went with Andy to the TC, to wallow in the stupendous vulgarity of it all. While it’s still there.

Journal Entry, 19 April 2009: Lovely sunny morning – yesterday I went to Leeds by train, wandered round shops, looked at Civic Centre, watched some rugby on TV in real ale bar.

Well, on Friday morning went to sign on and sign off again. I rushed to get there on time and was kept waiting for 30 mins before being seen.

Then I went to the Trafford Borough Council offices to sort out my housing benefit. I took a numbered slip and sat there for two-and-a-half hours before being seen. The staff in that place are hopeless and type one-fingered instructions. While I was sitting there, a big screen showed an endless loop of subtitled Public Information Films some of which were just awful.
For instance:  a dizzy bint goes into a pub and proceeds to knock back an entire bottle of scotch before collapsing on the floor (in double vision) with the baffling slogan “Drugs – Don’t Risk It”.

Yesterday afternoon Brett and I had brekky in Mozza’s, then I went to the cinema to see ‘Crank 2’ an absurdly violent shoot-em-up thriller about a guy (Jason Statham) trying to retrieve his heart from a gangster. To keep the artificial one powered up, he has to keep giving himself electric shocks. The film also starred David Carradine who died by auto-erotic hanging.

Journal Entry, May 2009: On Saturday bought some bike waterproofs from On Ya Byke. Today I flounced into the accounts department and said ‘Beware of the Green Flash – fighting crime in day-glo lime!’

We get lots of phone calls for Alan Dobson and Mike Allen; numerous contacts outside the firm aren’t aware of our demise.
Today, Michael Martin, Speaker of the Commons resigned after two weeks of outrageous press revelations concerning MPs’ expenses – operating ‘within the rules’ they have indulged in a frenzy of purchasing decadent luxuries, living in two houses at once and claiming tax relief and furnishing expenses like a quantum dot.

At work, Dave Earnshaw found a key labelled ‘Eileen’s Middle Door’ which sent us all into hysterics.




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