Short story Rad 4

Well, I’m listening to ‘Egg and Cress’ (on Radio 4) by Melissa Reid, about a waitress who didn’t have time to make porridge for breakfast so she went to Tesco and bought an egg-and-cress low-fat sandwich. She discarded it after one bite, since the cress filled her with disgust; ‘Like trying to eat a mouthful of human hair.’ What’s wrong with that, I wondered…I regularly bump into old friends in the pub, and after a couple of beers we have a good old snog. One day our beards will mesh like Velcro and we will have to be painfully prised apart by the other drinkers.
And since it’s Sunday night I’m ironing shirts for work. Apparently there is a bye-law in the UK which requires men to iron in their underwear, with the lights on and the curtains open, while their wife is out at bingo, so that passers-by can admire their athletic physique. Alas, I don’t have a physique so I keep my clothes on while ironing. Of course, in three months’ time the weather will be a lot warmer so everybody will wander around in a state of undress. Perhaps I ought to start karate lessons again to build myself up in readiness…


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